Getting in My Own Way

Perhaps the biggest obstacle in making art is me.I usually approach a new piece with tremendous excitement, energy and enthusiasm. I start with a pristine pre-stretched canvas or sometimes I use canvas from a roll tacked to the wall if I am going big. I pull out my beautiful jars of luscious paint, fill many tin cans of water . I keep lots of containers of brushes all sizes out on my work table. Here goes. Lately I have been starting with a nice fat black acrylic marker to lay down my initial drawing. This is done without any conscious thinking, it’s as if my hand is in charge and goes wherever it wants , and I let it. At this point my mind starts getting a little testy and judgmental about the drawing, but I struggle to shut it down and start opening up those gorgeous jars. My choice of the first color is pretty intuitive, usually has something to do with my mood, but who knows? Okay , grab a brush and put that color anywhere quickly before I start thinking too much and stop myself. I usually keep going like this adding colors , making new shapes , redrawing areas, until I reach a point where it is time to step away. I need distance both emotionally and physically. This is the most difficult point in the process. This is when I have all to do to keep my negative demons at bay. This is the point where I tell myself it’s shit, I’m shit. So I walk away. Maybe an hour, maybe a night, maybe a day? Then I come back and take a fresh look. Something has happened, maybe it’s really okay, maybe I’m really okay.

I love to paint.